There is a concept in business that is important for love as well.
That’s the concept of value-added.
Here is the deal: I talk to a lot of men. I talk to the men I date, I talk to the men my friends’ date, I talk to men in the grocery store. I ask them questions about their relationships and what worked and what didn’t. Men tell me things. And over, and over, and over again there is a common denominator in divorce stories and break-up stories: “She stopped having sex with me. She complained and was unhappy.”
I am not here to protect your feelings. I’m here to share the lay of the land and give you options. Men leave women — cheat, ghost, walk out — after they have tried to explain to their woman that she is draining their energy and making their lives worse… and she won’t listen. Won’t take responsibility.
If you want a boyfriend, the best way to do that is think about what value you add to a man’s life. If you don’t add value — why would he want you as anything more than a booty-call? Really. If you don’t make a man’s life better, why should he girlfriend title you?
Yeah, really. Yup. I just said that.
Ask yourself, babe: do I bring something to the table that he wants and can’t get anywhere else?
It’s a legit question. I know it’s not the question you want to hear, but it’s the question that is going to get you a boyfriend — and that’s what you want, right? (Before you get mad at me and say no— you really do want a boyfriend. It’s nice to have a boyfriend. Men are great! They listen to your problems, hug you when you are sad, and buy you flowers and presents.)
So ask yourself: do I bring something to the table that he wants and can’t get anywhere else?
It’s not sex. Trust me on that. Men can get porn, sex, food, entertainment, the girlfriend experience on demand and delivered within moments. So, the old paradigm of food and sex just isn’t really enough anymore.
I see this as a growth opportunity to up-level what it means to be a woman. Women can add value through the simplicity of their presence and energy when we are truly epic women. When we have stepped into the gorgeousness of our femininity. Our beauty. Our joy, our smiles. Our intellect and great, thoughtful conversation. And yes, our sexuality when it is present and embodied. Our lightness in the midst of a grey day.
And the holy grail of the value a woman adds to a man’s life?
It’s love.
Love.
Men want to be loved. This is what they tell me in their man-language when I ask them, which I translate for you here.
Are you love personified, or do you get pissy, anxious, annoyed and resentful? If you want a boyfriend, it’s time to ask yourself quite serious questions. Do you love men or do you resent them? Do you make your guy — or any guy for that matter — feel like a King, or do you harp on his flaws? Do you treat him like he is the most special person you have ever met? Do you give him space to breath, and cuddle him when he is over being in the mancave? Do you have sex with him lots and lots and make it fun, juicy, creative and better than porn? Do you treat him like he is awesome and your favorite person every second of every day? Are your boundaries an open doorway that lets love in safely…. or a wall that keeps love out? Do you respond to him like his complaints are legit and Important to you?
Feel free to take these questions and create a journal for yourself. Really dig in. Write out your responses and get clear and honest with yourself. We cannot create change in our lives until we have taken stock of the truth. Truth is empowerment, and empowerment is self-love, and self love creates the most epic relationship of your life. I promise <3
Love you xoxoxo